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The Politics of Personal Destruction

by The Holocaust Humanity

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1.
tonight i found the courage to do a most horrible thing tonight i will walk to the wires and sing life has no meaning inside unless there's a reason for living and in your case but surely not mine you'll see i'll see white lights and the angels will descend for me
2.
mother do you know what i've done mother do you know what i've become i sent you a picture from the front lines today i hope you're receiving father the youth they want to be me father i tied that woman up to a tree and i blew her fucking brains out for the whole god damn world to see bayoneting babies has lost its fun and i've outgrown my body pit mother i'm sorry for what i have done i know you can't live with...it trying trying to take hold of this life and i'm dying dying through another one's eyes the people here they fear me i'm the wolf inside a sheep disguise special treatment is reserved for my guests sleeping comes easy with a hole in your chest i just thought that i would write you i wasn't prepared to say this bayoneting babies has lost its fun and i've outgrown my body pit mother i'm sorry for what i have done i know you can't live with...it in the snow ice turning red your face is growing old and there's an aching in your head tried my best tried my best to make a change so i killed as many people as i could today bayoneting babies has lost its fun and i've outgrown my body pit mother i'm sorry for what i have done i know you can't live with...
3.
Panic 04:27
waited for the answer from you hated the solution making everything true blinding in its passion complexity grinding no reaction force myself to breathe panic calling far away a rainy day but you'll never get the best of me all i ever wanted was the truth liar complication always seemed to fit you breaking all the windows in my head deceiving and your skin now you will shed panic calling far away a rainy day but you'll never get the best of me
4.
Frailty 05:50
when it's tearing at the seams completely don't run away life is so unkind it seems believe me it's all ok when the wind is screaming through the trees and all you see is winter grey when you try and let it slide when you can't begin to find the words to say this is only human frailty we are all addiction basically there are happy endings or so i'm told will i believe in anything or die alone we all try to fill the hole with something panicking we all scurry back and forth oblivious manic scene some could say this was never serious well it's happening when you live your life inside the lines you're in-between this is only human frailty we are all addiction basically there are happy endings or so i'm told will i believe in anything or die alone
5.
when did it all go wrong i cannot say but time keeps on slipping do you remember how it used to be or can you feel anything you'll believe the lie that everything is fine there is no escaping these memories of mine decided just to wait for something and then i watched the slow decay i recognized a change inside me i can wash these memories away i just can't stop dying i'm back to the beginning it's where i'm at i tried to conceive it to my regret but if I could just keep it all in check i never believed it not for a sec but you'll believe the lie that everything is fine there is no escaping these memories of mine decided just to wait for something and then i watched the slow decay i recognized a change inside me i can wash these memories away but I can't stop dying i just can't stop dying
6.
i won't let it get under my skin the shape i'm in when everything turns to lies deep inside i feel the walls closing in when i sleep at night if i sleep at night these blackened eyes have died a million times this saddened soul has cried i'm lost inside lord i've been so blind to the truth in everything i want to rediscover you if anything i would throw it all away for my sanity but these demons on the inside they're haunting me my memories run too deep i pray my soul to keep i'm thrown upon my rocky shore from my sea of misery my levity defines my everything my simplicity denied and i'm questioning why am i alive despite it all i've picked myself up too many times to stop this fall what if i'm just tired of it all before you learn to walk you better learn to crawl my memories run too deep i pray my soul to keep i'm thrown upon my rocky shore from my sea of misery
7.
Pretend 06:20
if i believed there was a half a chance if i believed anything nobody listens nobody understands what is happening to me we lived our lives in disarray never thinking of the end now you just turn and walk the other way i'm too tired to pretend find myself thinking this is just a dream and then suddenly i'm not me losing one piece at a time and it's hopeless i know i'm not who you hoped i would be something inside has been erased i'm losing my legs again what else is there that I can say i've got nothing left to defend just bury me beneath your trees of grief because I'm asking you please to pretend for me maybe in time this will go away if there's anything left of me i'll just sit here with one foot in my fucking grave remembering everything people are blind anyway what can you expect them to see carry my coffin or wash me away it makes no difference to me just bury me beneath your trees of grief because I'm asking you please to pretend for me

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released December 23, 2023

Nathan Hewitt

2023 - Artificial Records

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The Holocaust Humanity Austin, Texas

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